


Loan Wars

by Reylo (PhelfromGrace)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-01-23 17:28:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21323950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhelfromGrace/pseuds/Reylo
Summary: Graduate students Rey and Ben find themselves entwined in a petty fight for the same library book, which escalates into something much more.  Modern AU. A lighthearted spin on the enemies-to-lovers trope.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 55
Kudos: 313





	1. The Phantom Borrower

_I._  
_REY_

\----  
Rey rested her forehead against the hard melamine surface of her office desk, wishing it was sand, to fully bury her face in the ground. She should have realized sooner. She should have read more, earlier. In hindsight, it was so obvious that this rare text would be crucial for her thesis. _The Map to Skywalker_. She had been so happy to learn of its existence, and so relieved to see the title listed in her university library’s online catalogue. One word however killed her hope:

UNAVAILABLE

She lifted her head back up and tried not to despair. She could simply wait her turn for the book; it would be worth it. She was already behind with her writing; another week wouldn’t hurt. She clicked on the title to check when the book was going to be returned. 

_August 31_. The end of the semester.

Instead of slamming her head back down on her desk, Rey looked up to the fluorescent-lit ceiling, as if trying to see the bright side. Only grad students were automatically allocated the whole semester for their loans, and the library rules applied a little differently to them compared to the undergrads. When an item was recalled, an undergrad student had a week to return the book, whereas a grad student only had 24 hours, unless they were prepared to pay a five dollar per day fine. 

She hesitated. There was an unspoken rule in her department to email everyone before recalling an item, just in case the book was in an office next door. Most people hated making extra errands and preferred avoiding the library system altogether. It was proper etiquette, especially since every minute counted in a day, as the ticking timebomb of their thesis deadline loomed over their shoulder like Death itself. 

She looked at the clock in the bottom-right corner of her laptop screen. If she emailed the whole department, she would have to wait for a response which could take days because many students were away for conferences or research, and simply might not have the chance to check. Reaching her colleagues over the summer semester was always a tricky affair. On the other hand, a single press of a button would give her the book tomorrow, around this same hour.

Survival overcame her guilt. 

Rey clicked RECALL.

  
**

The book arrived within 24 hours, as per the library rule. Rey ran her finger along its leather spine like petting a newly adopted animal, then tucked it safely away in her large tote bag containing other reading materials. With a light bounce to her step (despite the heavy weight of literature), she headed out to the on-campus coffee shop where she could hopefully get some writing done in a cozier environment than her usual drab cubicle office.

The shop was surprisingly packed for an early-summer afternoon, which reminded Rey that she wasn’t the only poor soul missing out on the hot sun. Every table was taken up by students buried under piles of notes or hiding behind laptop screens. While she waited for her coffee, she continued to survey the seating area and watched out for any fidgety patrons who might decide to call it quits and ditch for the outdoors. Rey really didn’t want to go back to her grey prison cell of an office. 

The barista called her name and a moment later, almost like an echo, she heard a familiar voice also calling out for her. Turning to the general direction of the sound, she stood on tiptoes to peer over the shoulder of some tall guy blocking her view. In the corner, she spotted her friend Rose at a table with a vacant seat; she was waving at her and gesturing for her to come sit down. Rey didn’t need any coaxing. She took her coffee and rushed to her friend, completely oblivious that her huge bookbag bumped into the tall man when she passed by him.

“You’ve finally gotten out of that depressing office,” said Rose with her usual radiant smile. “I don’t know how you manage to spend so much time in there.”

“It’s all I have. The library is always crowded, and I have nowhere to store all my research material anyway.”

“But not today.” Rose pointed at Rey’s heavy bag on the floor. “You managed to bring it out.”

Rey smiled and proceeded to gush over _The Map to Skywalker_. Their upbeat conversation then morphed into a rant about their respective supervisors, followed by the general frustration of writing a thesis. Even though they were in different departments, grad school was still grad school. Once sufficiently talked out, the pair took out their laptops and dove into work.

They typed in relative silence, occasionally making remarks, but overall being very productive. Two hours in, the girls ordered another drink, this time Italian sodas to avoid ingesting more caffeine. Rey enjoyed the bubbles tickling her throat and she took a break from writing to check her email. She nearly spat out the soda in her mouth. 

“It’s fuckin’ recalled!” 

“What?”

“My book, the one I just got. It got recalled, so I have to return it tomorrow.”

“How is that fair? You just got it!”

“This bloody library system. It’s like a double-edged sword. On one hand, I was able to get the book quickly, but now it’s already going back. Dammit, I— sorry Rose, I gotta get to my office and pull an all-nighter. If it’s an undergrad recalling the book, they’ll have it for a week. I can’t wait another week!”

Rey gathered all her stuff and rushed out of the coffee shop. She would get it done, or die trying.

  
**

The book was impossible to read in one night. In fact, it might even take weeks to properly go through.

After slipping it into the return box, she found a place in the library to sit, and immediately opened up the library catalogue. She found the entry for _The Map to Skywalker_ and began refreshing the page, to see when the book was due back. Between heavy lidded eyes, she stared mindlessly at the screen while continuously clicking the button.

And finally, there it was: August 31.

It was a grad student again! Rey wondered if this mysterious borrower was the same person as before. Maybe she should email her department in case it was one of her sociology colleagues. 

Her anger (and sleep deprivation) overcame all reason.

She recalled the book.


	2. Attack of the Literature

_II.  
BEN_

\----  
Ben’s eye twitched for the second time in the ten minutes that he had spent in this blasted office. The first was upon seeing his office-mate, Armitage Hux, not that the ginger man said anything in particular to piss him off. Ben simply hated his guts. The second twitch at least held some semblance of validity. 

Opening the task-managing app on his laptop and scrolling down the long to-do list, he added an entry: _return dumbass book_. As he tried to stay calm and debated which task to tackle first, he immediately became agitated by Hux’s clicky keyboard. It rang in his ears like gunfire. Ben was an inch away from hurling the wireless mouse tightly clutched in his hand towards that offensive mop of red hair, until he remembered the scolding that he received by their supervisor. 

He could not afford starting another fight, even if the first time was justified. He was not about to jeopardize the four painstaking years of his doctorate, because of an annoying keyboard. He needed to leave before his impulse would convince him otherwise.

Slamming his laptop shut with unnecessary force, Ben snatched _The Map to Skywalker_ off his desk and got up to leave. At the doorway, he stopped in his tracks and went back to his desk to scrawl a note. 

_This book is mine._

He slipped the paper randomly in the body of the text, and returned the book to the library.

  
**

A reply came back along with the recalled book. The handwriting resembled chicken scratch which stood in stark contrast with the pretty pink paper it was on.

_It’s the library’s, you idiot. Stop taking it back so soon and give me a chance to read it!_

Ben chuckled, then wrote: 

_You started this._

  
**

Over the course of the week, he had accumulated four other notes from the girl. He assumed they were female despite the horrible penmanship; he didn’t have proof, only intuition, but he was rarely wrong. Reviewing the notes, he re-enacted the text in his head like it was a conversation.

“_I need this book for my thesis,_” she stated, probably very seriously. Maybe even as a veiled plea.

“Really? I thought you were desperate for some light reading.” 

She remained serious. “_Maybe for you it is. If you’re reading this for pleasure, get your own copy. Leave this one for the students who need it for their research._”

“I enjoy other things for pleasure. I also need it for my research.”

He had hoped for a fiery reaction towards the word ‘pleasure’, but again, she went straight to business. “_Are you in sociology? We can leave it in the lounge._”

“Oh I see, you want to meet me. What an odd way of flirting.”

“_FUCK OFF_ ”

He laughed loudly at her last note as he imagined this spitfire petite girl, utterly enraged by his nonsensical behaviour. If Ben was being completely honest with himself, he was in no place to fool around and waste time. He had enough shit to deal with. Still, he continued the game by returning the book, this time without a note. He did not recall it back right away either because he had a better idea. 

Browsing the sociology section of the library catalogue, he searched for all the books that seemed related to the content of _The Map to Skywalker_. He narrowed down the titles that could likely form a solid thesis, and then pressed recall on those that were due on August 31st. There were thirteen in total.

The next day, the books came into his possession. Instead of lugging them back to his office, he hung around the library, casually flipping through the pages for some ‘light reading’. Around half hour later, his phone buzzed with thirteen email notifications, all requesting the recall of the books. Before heading over to the counter to drop them off, he recalled _The Map to Skywalker_.

  
**

Like a well-oiled machine, the coveted _Skywalker_ book was back in his hands. He waited until he was in his office, alone, before cracking it open and checking her note. 

_You fuckin’ snake! Give me back my books! Who the hell are you?_

Ben laughed, again picturing the rage on the girl’s face. He took a pen and scrap paper from his desk and was already preparing his next note to her. This was all such a breath of fresh air in his otherwise miserable life.

_My books? They’re the library’s._  
_Did you enjoy your extra time with The Map to Skywalker?_  
_Sincerely, Kylo Ren_


	3. Revenge of the Girl

_III.  
REY _

\----

_Kylo Ren_

Rey stared at the pretty cursive script and repeated the name in her head, like chanting a curse. It was obviously a pseudonym and he was definitely messing with her, but she felt one step closer to his identity, a small victory in this battle that she had been losing. This Kylo Ren seemed to know a lot about her research, and consequently a little bit about her, which creeped her out. It was like he had read her mind.

_They’re the library’s._

What a sassy asshole, using her own words against her. Rey tapped the back of her pen against her desk, completely stumped by his note that she needed to reply since _The Map to Skywalker_ had already been recalled. She wanted to write something witty, or somehow get under his skin, but the task seemed impossible because she knew nothing about him aside from his gender and potential name. She assumed that he was male. Despite the obnoxiously tidy handwriting, the paper held a hint of men’s cologne, a scent that she would consider attractive if circumstances were different. 

With the name ‘Kylo Ren’ as her only lead, Rey searched the university’s email directory. To little surprise, no results popped up. 

She opened her desk drawer and stared at his previous notes that she begrudgingly kept. Studying his words and remembering her aggressive response, she decided that it would be smarter to switch up her tactic. 

_Okay, I admit it. I'm bad at flirting._  
_Can you meet me at the heritage tree by Takodana Hall?_  
_I'll be there Thursday, 7pm._

She felt like washing her hands or taking a shower after writing such a note. Her chicken scratch handwriting looked even more broken as she had gripped the pen so hard, almost to the point of snapping the plastic. Nevertheless, it was the right decision. Aggression led nowhere; this was her only hope. 

She slipped the paper into the book, then returned it to the library. She would wait until after Thursday to recall the book again.

  
**

On the day of the meeting, Rey waited in a vacant classroom on the second floor of Takodana Hall. She peered out the window and had a perfect clear view of the heritage tree. If all went according to plan, she would catch a glimpse of this asshole Kylo Ren, or better yet, if he brought the book, she could run down and confront him directly. 

It was nearly time, so she carefully observed every passerby. At first, she was pumped with adrenaline and highly motivated, but after the tenth jogger and third dog-walker, she began to deflate. Fifteen minutes elapsed, and the only activity under the tree was a girl who stopped to tie her shoelace. Then after half an hour, one of the joggers she saw a few times already, some tall athletic dude who was probably doing laps around campus, rested under the shade to grab a swig of his water bottle. 

After an hour, the summer sun began to set. With the waning light, Rey lost hope. In a daze, she shuffled her way out of the classroom, but once outside, with the fresh air hitting her skin, her muscles began to gain back their strength. She broke into a sprint and expelled her frustration (or rejection) through physical activity.

She ran all the way home, at top speed, with only one thought circling in her mind. 

_Kylo Ren_. He was going to pay for this.

  
**

When _The Map to Skywalker_ came back into her possession, Rey made the mistake of checking his reply right at the circulation desk. It took every ounce of willpower to suppress her scream in the open-concept lobby of the library. She held it in, until she arrived in her office. 

_You thought I was serious. Are you lonely?  
\--Ren_

She screamed into the dead small space. 

Her previous note was embarrassing at it was, especially since she lied. She wasn’t flirting with him, she didn’t want to meet him, and she certainly was _not_ lonely. Rey tore the note in half, then in quarters, and eighths, and let the small bits of paper sprinkle to the floor. She stepped on them for good measure.

She hated him. She absolutely despised this Kylo Ren, with his stupid flowery penmanship and his manly cologne. She imagined his scrawny little ass dressed up super uptight, like in a suit and tie, just to come to school. Or maybe he was a pretentious hipster writer, in a black turtleneck and tailored pants.

Then an idea came to mind.

Rey bolted out the door and found the nearest dollar store. She made a beeline to the craft aisle, and smiled as she grabbed the item for the perfect revenge. 

Fuck you, Kylo Ren. Enjoy the glitter bomb.


	4. A New Low

_IV.  
BEN_

\----  
As soon as he picked up _The Map to Skywalker_ from the library circulation desk, Ben sensed a disturbance in his routine. The book seemed a little bulkier, as if it contained something more, so he flipped through the text block and found an envelope wedged in between the pages. He smirked. The library was hardly the place to savour a handwritten letter; he returned to his office for some privacy.

Ben’s elation at the letter was so strong that it even overcame the sound of his office-mate’s clicky keyboard. He walked in without acknowledging Hux, placed down _The Map to Skywalker_ on his desk, and took a seat in his black fabric-covered swivel chair. 

He rotated the chair, ensuring that Hux only had a view of his back, and then put the envelope in his lap for extra protection against potential prying eyes. Ben might have ‘made amends’ with the fact that his original research proposal was stolen by the bastard, but he was not about to tolerate any invasion in his private life.

The envelope was only sealed at the tip of the downward triangle flap. He ran his index into the unsealed gap, and in one fluid motion, he easily popped it open and took out the letter.

Except what came out wasn’t just paper. 

Sparkly dust flew into the air from his swift movement, and as he stupidly unfolded the rest of the letter, a stream of multi-colour glitter fell into his lap. 

“FUCK!”

Hux looked up from his screen then burst into laughter as Ben instinctively tried to shake off the offending glitz. The more he moved, the more it spread; glitter clung onto his black clothes, onto the fabric chair, everywhere. His once pristine desk was now shining like a tween’s holo backpack. 

Hux’s laughter rang in his red-hot ears, but the pièce de résistance was the piece of paper that he clutched in his glitter-coated hand. 

He had been hopeful. This envelope held so much promise. It symbolized the deepening of their epistolary relationship, and he was confident that she was going to explain why she didn’t show up the other day. She must have her reasons. He thought she was serious because she thought _he_ was serious, and maybe he was, now. Maybe he became a little interested in this girl researching social isolation, and maybe he felt compassion for her because of it. He just wanted to sort out the sarcasm, to know how she was feeling in this awful world called grad school…

But he got his answer in the form of an explosion of glitter, and three words scripted in a cursive bubbly font so unlike her usual handwriting. It was definitely a mockery.

_Much love, Rey_

Ben stood there, closed his eyes, and took deep long breaths to calm his mind.

“Ren,” said a steely female voice. He woke up from his meditation and saw his colleague Phasma in the doorway. “Dr. Snoke is looking for you. Go to his office now.” She gave him a condescending once-over, but didn’t comment any further and simply walked away.

The pit of dread sunk to his stomach. Suddenly, Hux’s laughter, his annoyance at this girl Rey, the glitter, everything felt trivial. He obliged and hurried off to his supervisor’s office.

  
**

Ben went straight home after the meeting.

He entered the dark studio apartment, still with glitter on his hands and chest, but he didn’t care. He wandered to the kitchen area and grabbed the nearest object, a mug on the countertop, and violently chucked it against the wall. He then took a plate from the drying rack, and slammed it to the ground. Ceramic shards covered the floor, but Ben took no precautions in his step as he made his way to his desk across the room. He was numb to pain anyway. 

The scathing words of his supervisor haunted his mind. If his research was still not good enough, he might have to quit. There was no more time for fooling around. 

Ben buried those budding emotions, as he buried himself in work.


	5. She Strikes Back

_V.  
REY_

\----  
“I’m sorry,” said the librarian. “There’s no mistake with the email notification system. We don’t have the item.”

“But it’s been two weeks.” 

The librarian shrugged his shoulders. “It happens sometimes. Especially with rare and expensive books. The fines are capped at two hundred dollars, so maybe it’s worth keeping instead of buying a new copy.”

“Can I get an inter-library loan in that case?”

“No, that’s unfortunately not possible. If we have the title, in which case we do, the system won’t allow borrowing from another institution.”

“But it hasn’t been returned! Is there any way to contact the borrower?” 

“I’m sorry, I can’t disclose personal information.”

Rey was at her wit’s end talking to this robot, but she knew deep down that it wasn’t the librarian’s fault for following protocol. She would have to find another way to contact Kylo Ren.

She didn't regret the glitter bomb, but with her pressing deadlines and the halt with her research, she started to think that maybe she had taken her revenge a little too far. Kylo Ren must have really loved his clothes and image; the persona of a scrawny pretentious dapper man never left her mind.

Rey walked aimlessly around the campus grounds, in search for someone who fit her mental image. The trace of cologne on his notes had long faded, and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to pick out the scent from memory. She was essentially left without any concrete clues, aside from the fact that he was a grad student who needed _The Map to Skywalker_ for his research. 

She entered her usual coffee shop on hyper-alert, looking out for any crisp black suits. Nobody fit her description. The only person dressed all in black was a tall man in a tank top showing off broad shoulders, muscular arms, and a defined back. She lined up behind him and doubt immediately kicked in. He smelled manly, but mainly of sweat like he had been running for days without rest. She eavesdropped and heard an incredibly low voice giving his order to the barista. He then took a step to the side, and Rey continued to watch him through her peripherals. 

She placed her order, and joined him in the waiting queue. He had his head down, eyes glued to his phone, so she felt comfortable stealing a glance. 

He definitely was not Kylo Ren. Face unshaven, dark black circles under his eyes, this man clearly did not know how to take care of his health and looks. His black hair appeared greasy and his aura felt downright depressing, like as if he had just pulled an all-nighter travelling roundtrip out of town to attend his father’s funeral. Rey felt a jolt of compassion in her heart, as the story of this man’s sad life started to unfold in more detail in her imagination.

He suddenly looked up at her, which snapped Rey out of her reveries. Staring into deep brown eyes, she wanted to ask if he was okay.

“Order for Ben?” said the barista, interrupting their connection. 

He redirected his attention to the counter and took the large coffee cup. Without a backwards glance, he quickly exited the shop. 

In that fleeting moment of eye contact, Rey forgot about her search for Kylo Ren. In some weird way, she felt like she had seen herself in the mirror. This stranger’s shabby appearance reflected how she felt inside.

  
**

The date on her calendar marked the third week since she recalled _The Map to Skywalker_, and Rey was getting nervous. She had stalked all the grad lounges, even bucked up the courage to ask some students if they knew someone with the name 'Kylo Ren'. She had no new leads, so her last option was…

“How do I break into the library system?” she asked her friend Finn, who looked up from his computer screen, appalled. 

“Rey, I may be in computer science, but I’m not going to _hack_ the library’s database. I can get kicked out of school for that.”

“I know. That's why I will do it. Please Finn, give me a hand! I’m desperate. I really need to find this Kylo Ren and get that book back.” 

“I want to help, but I’m just sayin’, it’s not right if either of us gets kicked out of school.” Finn paused, then continued, “but maybe Poe can help us out. He’s good pals with B.B. the librarian.” 

Rey had a better feeling about that plan. Poe wasn’t the sharpest tool in the toolbox, but he somehow got shit done. She hoped that this time was no exception.

  
**

The text message came that same night when she was in the shower. Toweling off her wet hair, she checked her phone and smiled brightly at the message Finn left her. Luck was finally turning her way.

_Supremacy Hall, Office Room 034. History department._  
_His name is Ben Solo._


	6. Return of the Book

_VI._  
_BEN_

\----

The last seven days were a living nightmare in which Ben Solo learned the true value of work-life balance by cutting out all life and realizing that if he spent one more day without showering or going for a jog or getting a coffee, there would be more than just a broken mug and plate on his apartment floor. He also needed to pick up some files from his office at school.

Sundays were always quiet on campus. He took his time appreciating the summer air as he crossed the grounds, his body finally moving in something other than sweats and a tank. He entered his building and took the stairs to the basement where his department resided. His footsteps echoed in the quiet narrow space as each door that lined the hallway was shut tight, with offices likely empty since his colleagues probably took the day off.

Ben turned the corner, and then halted because at the end of the hallway, a girl was standing near his office. As he approached, she looked up and smiled at him. She seemed familiar.

“Oh, it’s you,” he said, finally recognizing her pretty face. “Last week, at the coffee shop.”

“Yeah, I remember. Are you feeling better? You looked pretty sleep-deprived that time.”

Heat crept up to his big ears. Good thing he had a decent sleep last night, and cleaned himself up this morning. If she remembered him based on that first impression, it must have given her quite the fright. He diverted the topic. “Are you a history student?”

“No, I’m waiting for someone.”

Ben looked at the closed door, then back at her. “Hux?”

“Solo,” she corrected. “Ben Solo…” 

She looked him over slowly from head to toe, which only amplified his feeling of self-consciousness. There shouldn’t be anything wrong with his black blazer and chinos, especially compared to the mess of last week. He wondered if there were still specks of glitter on his clothes because her smile began to falter. Her brows dipped into a deep frown. 

“_Kylo Ren_.”

Ben was taken aback. Only the people in his department called him by that name, and she just said that she wasn’t a history student. There was only one other person…

“Rey?”

Before he could say or do anything more, she grabbed his wrist and got into his face. “Don’t you _dare_ run away. I know you also need The Map to Skywalker for your research, and you’re paying the fines to keep it, but I’m not leaving until we come to some sort of arrangement to share the book.” 

Ben didn’t register any of the words that she just said, too distracted by her pretty hazel eyes. When he made no comment, she continued talking and he only caught the tail end of her rant. “...had it for three weeks, surely you managed to finish it or at least have made some decent progress. Can’t you let me have it for a few days?”

“I don’t have it with me right now. It’s at my apartment, so…”

“—bring it to me tomorrow?” 

“—you can come over tonight,” he finished saying, pretending not to have heard otherwise. 

Ben braced himself for a violent response, maybe a kick in the shin while she insisted that he return the book to her tomorrow, but it never came. “Fine,” she conceded. “Where do you live?”

  
**

The tea kettle whistled at the same time he heard the anticipated knock on his apartment door. Ben rushed to get it, sliding his way with socked feet on smooth hardwood floors like a kid rushing to the Christmas tree. He swung open the door to find exactly who he had been waiting for.

“Your building is nice, but the security downstairs is absolute rubbish. The front door wasn’t even locked!”

“It’s an on-going problem.”

“Anyway, so do you have the book?” Rey asked expectantly.

“Yeah, about that…”

“Dammit Kylo Ren! Stop stretching this out. I don’t have _time_ for this.”

“Same for me!” Ben yelled back. “I’m also pressed for time. Do you know how hard it was to get rid of glitter? How much _time_ that fuckin’ took?”

Much to his surprise, her expression softened. “I’m sorry. I took that a bit too far.”

Ben’s rage immediately subsided, and he regretted the outburst. He didn’t know how to respond. People rarely apologized to him since he was usually in the wrong. He was probably still in the wrong this time, especially for hogging a sociology book that he no longer needed but somehow couldn’t let go.

“How do we solve this then?” she asked. 

“Come inside, we’ll figure it out.”

She hesitated and looked up at him. In their short angry exchange, they had inadvertently closed the distance between them, invading one another’s personal space; she was only a couple of inches away, if he lifted his hand, he could touch hers. Ben took a few steps backwards, and she slowly advanced into his apartment. The door closed behind them automatically. 

He had no idea what he was doing. “Do you want tea?”

“Just because I’m British doesn’t mean—” she blinked hard, then her tone changed. “Sure. That’d be lovely.”

He prepared some herbal tea and listened to her walk around the space, likely perusing his stuff. Ben’s mind raced, enumerating all the things that he owned and hoping there wasn’t anything weird around. He started to stress, thinking that maybe he left dirty boxer briefs lying on the floor, but then remembered that he thoroughly cleaned up the week-long mess this morning. 

“Nice workspace,” she said from across the room. “No wonder you don’t have to live in your office. I lost count the number of times I visited and you weren’t there.”

With the tea sufficiently steeped, he went over to hand her a cup. She was sitting on his desk chair, so he took a seat on his bed across, which left a close but reasonably safe distance between the two. They were silent as they sipped their hot tea. Rey seemed fixated on every pile of paper, book, or piece of stationary on his desk, like she was examining a museum display case.

“You’re really well set up here,” she quietly said, more to herself than to him. “How about I come over to consult the book. It won’t interrupt your writing, and I can plan my time accordingly. Is that okay?” 

Ben brought his mug up to his lips, to help suppress a smile. “Yeah. That’s okay.”


	7. The D Awakens

_VII._  
_REY_

\----

It didn’t go exactly as she planned.

Rey thought that she could finish reading the book within a week. She knew her normal reading speed and she calculated the estimated time according to the page count, but in actual practice, she barely conquered a third of the text. She blamed Kylo Ren.

Her phone vibrated loudly against her office desk, a sound that scared the shit out of her. She checked the message and frowned. 

_I left my door unlocked for you._

She texted him back.

_Isn’t that dangerous?_

Staring at the screen in anticipation, a response didn’t come immediately so she slipped her phone into her pocket. After half hour, she re-checked, and still there was no reply. Rey began to wonder why he left the door unlocked— maybe he needed to step out but still wanted to be sure that she could get in? Or maybe he stepped out and forgot to lock the door, but assumed that she was heading over right now? Too many questions swirled in her mind. She became increasingly anxious and completely distracted from the document that she was supposed to be editing. 

Although she planned to take a break from _The Map to Skywalker_ today, this mess of a situation left her no choice. She packed up her bag and ditched her office for his apartment.

Upon arrival, she knocked out of courtesy, and then opened the door which indeed proved to be unlocked. She expected the place to be vacant, but there he was like usual, sitting at his desk, deep in concentration.

“Hey, I’m here.”

No response, which was a little strange. 

“Hey Kylo Ren!” she called out. “Arrogant asshole who wears black jumpers in the summer heat. Hello?!” 

Still, there was no sign of acknowledgment. She slowly approached him.

“Ben?” she said, now directly behind him. She touched his shoulder, but instantly pulled away as he jerked back violently, his face going from aggression to relief in a split of a second. He pulled out a wireless earbud hidden behind locks of black hair. Loud music spilled from the device.

“Shit Rey, you startled me. When did you get here?”

“Just now.” Her heart was about to leap out of her chest. She steadied her voice and tried to act natural. “Your writing. It’s going well?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, then, carry on.” She took _The Map to Skywalker_ from his pile of books, and went over to her usual spot at the kitchen table. “Don’t mind me.”

“Let me know when you leave.”

“Sure.”

Ben put his earbud back in, and Rey cracked open her book. It was normal. It was entirely the same routine like the past week. The only minor difference was that her heart did not slow down. She convinced herself that it was from the momentary fright, and dove into her reading. 

However, as she touched the paper to turn the page, she remembered the tense firm muscle at the tip of her fingers. It had felt hot, and hard, and she was inexplicably bothered. She glanced at his back. He looked the same as any other day. Maybe she was just tired.

The feeling of his shoulder did not leave her, and at every turn of the page, she relived the sensation. Rey’s reading speed began to drop as she unconsciously dreaded turning the page, and eventually, she came to a full stop. 

“Ben, I’m packing up now.”

To little surprise, he did not hear her. She scraped the chair against the floor as she got up, and walked over to his desk with heavy steps, deliberately making a lot of noise with the hope of catching his attention. When he did not turn around, she touched his shoulder again. This time, the touch lingered because he did not push away. 

He faced her with a soft expression while he removed his earbuds. “You’re heading out?”

“Yeah, see you around.”

“See you, Rey.”

She left feeling more anxious than before she arrived. 

  
** 

“It doesn’t seem like he even needs the book,” Rey said as she slumped into the chair across from Rose in the on-campus coffee shop. This place had become her de facto venting ground. “He never consults it when I’m around. I don’t understand why he can’t just let me have it.”

“Did you ask him again? Maybe he’ll have a change of heart, now that he knows you a little better.”

Rey slouched further in her chair, a sour look on her face as she thought about Kylo Ren. “No way. He’ll be a prick about it.”

“You know, Paige told me that men are weak to pretty things. Maybe if you dress up and ask him nicely, he’ll change his attitude and give you the book?”

“I doubt it. He flat out ignored me the other day. Plus, I don’t even own a dress.” 

Rose laughed. “Neither do I! But Paige does. I bet you could fit her clothes.”

“Do you think that’d actually work?” Rey asked earnestly, straightening her posture somewhat as she perked up. “I get so little reading done when I’m there. I don’t know what it is. I just can’t concentrate when I’m at his place.”

“Oh I think I know what it is,” Rose said under her breath, then started to giggle. “I’ll get you a dress. Try it. Worst case, it doesn’t work. There’s no harm done.”

“Fine, I’ll give it a go.”

  
** 

Paige might have had the same waist and bust size as Rey, but they were certainly not the same height. On her way to Ben’s apartment, she constantly fiddled with the hem of the black mini dress, in fear that it would ride up all the way to her ass and flash any unfortunate (or fortunate) bystanders. Rose even convinced her to wear a thong to avoid any visible panty line due to the conforming fabric of the dress. It might have looked good, but it certainly was not comfortable. 

Taking a deep breath, she knocked on Ben’s door. She listened to the footsteps on the other side growing louder as he approached, which seemed to match the vigor of her heart. The door swung open and Rey’s body was ready for his judging eyes, shocked face, maybe even a sassy comment. 

Nothing happened. He perhaps made fleeting eye contact, but his gaze mostly remained downcast as he greeted her with the usual nod of acknowledgement. He returned to his desk, and she followed suit. Trying to walk as normally as possible, she retrieved _The Map to Skywalker_, then sat at the kitchen table.

“Productive day?” she asked from across the room. 

He shrugged his shoulders in a non-committal way, keeping his back to her. 

Rey knew this wasn’t going to work. The man clearly had no interest in her appearance, not that she had any expectations. She opened her book and tried to read, but after ten minutes, she still could not settle down and shake off all the distractions. Rose said there would be no harm done. Liar. Her literal ass was on fire, with the constant wedgie from the thong that rubbed into her crack. The hard kitchen chair didn’t help either; her bare thighs stuck against the wood as sweat began to gather. Completely fed up, she got up with the book and went to sit on his bed. 

Immediately, he turned around with a half rotation of his chair. There was an open book in his lap, and his ears weren’t plugged with loud music this time.

“The kitchen chair is a bit uncomfortable,” she quickly clarified. “Hope you don’t mind I sit here?”

He stared at her for a brief moment, nodded, then turned back to his desk.

She lay down on her stomach to relieve some of the tension in her ass. It worked wonders. She resumed her reading, and managed to block all ruminations by carefully going over each passage of text. She almost forgot about the wedgie and dress, until Ben suddenly stood up. 

Once again, he didn’t utter a word. He just went straight for the bathroom, which was completely understandable since they were both deeply focused on their work for nearly an hour. Rey herself probably needed to take a piss as well. 

The loud noise of a flushing toilet however never came. Instead, it sounded like rain in the bathroom.

Ben Solo was taking a shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all knew that there was more than just the force awakening in TFA. ;)


	8. The Last Recall

_VIII._  
_BEN_

\----  
The cold stream of water hitting his bare skin did nothing to alleviate the heat. 

One hand balled into a fist, Ben pounded against the tiled shower wall, while his other hand reached for the offending engorged appendage that desperately called for a release. Gripping hard, like buckling in for the ride, he stroked furiously and let the rollercoaster of emotions and pleasure take over his body. 

He was disgusted with himself, he was a monster, but he couldn’t help it. From the moment he saw those slim bare ankles at the threshold of his apartment, he had to flee to the safety of his desk and hide his arousal under an open book. He felt like an open book. She must have sensed his attraction towards her, not only today, but from the moment they had first made eye contact in the coffee shop. If not, then she would have surely caught on when he blanked at their meeting in front of his office, how he couldn't follow her words as he got lost in her pretty eyes. 

His hand jerked faster at the mere thought of her face. 

He pictured half-lidded eyes and swollen lips as she swallowed him whole. Her quick tongue, so used to spitting out verbal assaults, could instead be used for a different kind of abuse, a painful pleasure, as it could strangle his shaft with a push against her palate and a tight squeeze down into her throat. She could suck him dry, nearly choke on his semen, but he wouldn’t let her because there were other depths he needed to explore. 

He imagined what it would be like to touch that bare thigh and grab that firm ass, to wrap toned legs over his hips, and then drive into her against this shower wall. It would be a challenging start, to fit his huge length and girth into such a narrow entrance and small space, because of course she had never been with someone so endowed before. He’d patiently inch into her with the aid of her needy, wet arousal, carefully stretching her muscles until she molded perfectly to him, and only him. Once fully inside, he wouldn’t let her go as they’d connect into a comfortable rhythm. Maybe he’d tell her to look down, and see how his cock disappeared into her, how they’d be joined as one, that she was his. 

He’d play with her cute perky tits, run his hand over her sensitive spine and watch her back arch, and shiver. A breathy plea would whisper into his ear; she’d beg him to go faster, deeper, but he would tease her by rocking slowly, savouring her sopping and throbbing core that clearly yearned for more as she’d grind into him, clamping stronger at every one of his thrusts. 

Her soft moaning would echo into the small space, and it’d drive him over the edge. Ben wanted to hear her scream his name in ecstasy.

He bit his bottom lip and jerked off even harder, like the final sprint to the finish line. 

He was so close. She was so close. He listened to her ragged breathing and her hoarse voice that began chanting his name in a crescendo, perfectly to the beat of his balls slapping against her flesh. He watched her contorted face as the symphony of indecencies culminated. “BEN!” she cried, and the final contraction from her orgasm sent him to paradise.

“Rey,” he grunted, then came hard. In his mind, semen shot into her and filled her up like cream pie. In reality, his little swimmers met their demise down the shower drain.

His body relaxed, his penis went flaccid, and his lust was replaced by deep shame. Cold reality hit him as he finally registered the cold water that numbed his toes. He shivered, and not in the pleasurable way from before. He shut off the tap, grabbed his towel and rubbed himself dry. 

Ben’s only thought was to run away; he couldn’t face her right now, not after what he did to her in his mind, what he still wanted to do to her right now. He slipped on underwear and pants, picked up his clammy shirt but then chucked it into the laundry basket under the sink. He left the bathroom barechested.

Ben stopped in his tracks at the sight of Rey's new reading position on his bed. She was propped on elbows, lying on her stomach, which offered a perfect silhouette of her peach-shaped ass. The short dress rode up so high that he could see the crease of bare butt cheeks and the tinge of red fabric of her thong. He might need to go back in the shower. 

She abruptly turned around and stared, not into his eyes, but clearly at his chest. He approached the bed to get to the dresser next to it, still feeling her piercing glare as he rifled through the drawer to find a black t-shirt. He would be an idiot to assume that she was looking at him wantonly. She must be disgusted. 

He put on the shirt and headed towards the front door. If he spent one more minute in her presence, he would do something that he’d certainly regret.

“Where are you going,” she called out, tailing right behind him.

Hand on the doorknob, he was about to turn it and exit, but her hand met his. She clutched onto him and the touch was like an electric current running straight through him, to his heart, and again down below.

“Rey, let go.”

She did not budge.

“Move,” he commanded, but she just gripped harder. “_Please._” 

When she still didn’t move, Ben lost all reason. He shook off from her grasp and grabbed her wrist. Pulling her body forward, he pinned her against the door. He watched her pretty face blinking in surprise, unable to maintain eye contact as she nervously glanced at his mouth. He took the invitation. 

Leaning down, his lips crashed into hers. It was clumsy and definitely selfish, but within the chaos, he felt her kissing him back. He hadn’t kissed her in his fantasy, but her lips felt softer than he would have ever been able to imagine. There were so many other things that he could have done to her in his fantasy, many other places where he could and should kiss her. His grip on her wrist loosened, and his free hand reached for the small of her back to pull her in closer to his hard chest. Her warmth melted his frigid state and he felt the familiar twitch between his legs as his blood began to circulate again. 

But it stopped before progressing any further. Pushed away with a hard shove, he stumbled back and she rushed to the kitchen to grab her bag. It all happened so fast. Frozen on spot, with cold reality hitting for the second time, he did not say anything or stop her from leaving because he knew that this was how it was supposed to end. The door slammed shut and he was left with the unnerving silence of his apartment. 

Ben punched the adjacent wall, a dent of plaster and bloodied knuckles left in its wake. He slumped to the floor and sat there until the sunlight from the window dimmed and vanished. 

**  


In the dead of that dark summer night, he shoved_The Map to Skywalker_ in the 24-hour return slot outside of the library. It fell to the bottom of the metal bin with a resounding thud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course the 8th installment had to be a sexy (but angsty) one. I'm still not over TLJ.


	9. The Rise of Us

_IX._  
_REY & BEN_

\----  
Rey had to read the email twice before registering that _The Map to Skywalker_ was waiting for her at the library circulation desk. Her plan (well, Rose’s plan) had succeeded; she should be jumping out of her office chair and running at full speed to the library to claim her prize. Instead, she remained calmly seated, eerily distant towards the news. It just felt too good to be true, a little too easy after yesterday’s thing-that-must-not-be-named.

Maybe she would finally feel triumphant when the book was truly back in her possession. With a heavy sigh, she got up and made her way to the library. Throughout her journey, she thankfully did not need to duck behind any garbage cans to hide from any tall, broad-shouldered, dark figures.

Thick heavy tome now in her hands, she clutched it close to her chest. Still, she only felt emptiness. 

_He’s going to recall it,_ Rey thought to herself. _He’s just trying to mess with my head._

After returning to her office, she decided to take advantage of the text before its inevitable recall. She spent her entire afternoon reading and jotting down notes, occasionally checking her email for the notification, which never came. By evening, she was tired and getting hangry; she usually had more stamina, but there was something wrong with her energy today.

The feeling of his soft lips flashed in her mind, and she clamped her hand against her mouth. 

She tried to fight back the subsequent thoughts, but with her stomach growling and blood sugar low, all her defenses broke down. She relived the memory of the thing-that-must-not-be-named, the kiss, yes she was finally admitting the word. It played on an infinite loop. 

She imagined what could have happened if she didn’t get scared by her own desires and push him away. He probably would have stopped and taunted her once he knew that she wanted him, but if he put up with the charade a little longer… Would that big hand at the small of her back move down to her ass, slip under her dress and relieve the pain of the thong? Or maybe he would be modest and bring that hand up to her face, to cup her cheek, caress her ear, but then ultimately carry her bridal-style to his bed where he would…

_No, that’s not happening. No._ Rey bolted out of her office and found the nearest pizza shop.

  
**

The next day, she remained hyper-sensitive to email notifications. Every time her phone buzzed, her heartrate picked up and then immediately calmed as the message was just spam. 

She tried to work on her thesis, but her hand stopped typing every few sentences. She picked up a pen and tapped it against the desk. When it did nothing to alleviate her nerves, she sprung up from her chair and paced around the prison-cell space. 

There should be no reason for her distraction; she was well-fed and well-caffeinated. Yesterday, she thought of the…_kiss_… while today, she just couldn’t shake off the image of his bare chest. It wasn’t all that surprising to take a shower in that sweltering heat, and he didn’t exactly bring clean clothes to the bathroom, but still, she wondered if he was trying to show off a little. She has seen his biceps before, but never his abs and bare pecs. They were glorious. 

_I need answers, that’s all there is to it,_ she thought as she locked her office door and left campus in record timing. She needed answers, not about how his rippled muscles would feel under her touch, but about the book. She needed confirmation that he wasn’t just going to recall the book randomly and mess up her schedule again. She certainly didn’t need to know why he kissed her, whether he was messing with her and trying an extreme method to shake her off.

And if he wasn’t messing with her, if he was serious, then… she’d deal with it when the time came.

Convincing herself that it was about the book, Rey confidently knocked on his apartment door.

  


\----  
**  


Ben Solo nearly jumped out of his chair at the sound of the loud knock. He never had visitors, aside from the girl, and there was no way that she would return after what he did the other day, after his unwanted advances. She should have the book back in her possession; there was no reason for her to come back.

A second knock banged on his door, this time louder and more urgent. He imagined if he waited any longer, someone would break through and dive in like a SWAT team hostage rescue, except there was nobody to rescue, only a criminal to catch.

Expecting the worst, he unlocked the deadbolt and turned the knob to open the door. “Rey?”

“Ben.” She barged in, shoving him back into his own space. 

“Before you file your report, just know that I’m really sorry.”

“Report?”

“For sexual harassment.”

“What?!”

“They can kick me out of school, I don’t care. My doctorate was going to shit anyway. But I just want you to know that I wasn’t in a right state of mind the other day. It was hot, I was frustrated, you’re so pretty and didn’t let me leave. I really wanted you. It’s no excuse, and I shouldn’t have forced—"

His eyes went wide as she grabbed the back of his neck and shoved him into her face, effectively shutting him up.

It took him a moment to register her lips aggressively pressing against his. He quickly relaxed, closed his eyes and leaned down so that she no longer needed to stand on tiptoes. He deepened the kiss, his tongue gently playing with hers as their hungry lips, now finally fed, just couldn’t get enough of each other’s taste.

When they finally broke away, to gasp for air, he realized that they somehow migrated past the entrance hall, well into the kitchen. Rey’s fierce eyes still looked hungry. He couldn’t believe this was happening. 

“So. That wasn’t sexual harassment.” 

“Nope.”

She dove back in for seconds, more urgent and sloppier this time. She kissed her way across his stubbled cheek, to his ear and nibbled the lobe. “Bring me to bed,” she whispered, and he immediately scooped her up bridal-style. She laughed as he crossed the room, and he honestly would have been content just hearing that sound all day. Until, she hit the mattress of his bed, and his mind wondered what other sounds she could produce from that lovely throat. His pants felt unbearably tight.

He stripped off his shirt, and she followed suit. Neither could maintain eye contact, their gaze resting slightly below. He didn’t care what she thought of his chest this time; he needed those cute tits in his hands, so he did not hesitate to reach over and fondle. The bra was such a hindrance. Struggling with the clasp, he felt her hand touch his fingers as she helped him release it. She smiled reassuringly at his nervous fumble. He kissed her pretty mouth. 

“Rey, you feel so good,” his deep voice drawled in her ear. One hand playing with her nipple, the other ventured down toned abs, slipping beneath the waistband of her jeans. She immediately undid the button, zipped down the fly and kicked off the garment along with her panties. Her impatience caught him a little off-guard, and he backed up to get a full view.

There she lay, sprawled, completely naked and ready for play. His mind blanked and he blurted out, “It’s my first time.”

She blinked. Then continued to blink, and finally, burst into laughter. All gums and bright teeth. 

Despite the beauty that lay before him, the very object of his desire, the mortification made him go limp. Great, now she would mock him for being impotent.

“I don’t know what I’m doing. It made a lot more sense in my head.”

Her fit subsided and she caught her breath. “Ben, I have no idea either! It’s my first time too.”

They shared a meaningful moment of silence, a comforting connection. Her soft smile and warm look reassured him that he wasn’t alone with all these awkward feelings; she felt it too. He returned the smile and collapsed onto the mattress next to her. “Should we take it slow, start at the beginning? What happens on page one?”

“You kiss my cheek, then my lips, chastely.”

Plump lips pressed onto her cheek, then her lips. “Page two?”

“Nuzzle my neck, trail down my chest and tease my nipple with your tongue.”

He obliged, grazing his nose across the soft skin of her neck, feeling the bob of her throat as she swallowed hard. He left light kisses, venturing lower until he met her perky breasts. His tongue swirled around a pink nipple, which elicited a small moan. He began to grow hard at the sound. “Still on page two?”

“Yes, a few more paragraphs to go.”

He continued to tease the nipple, until she announced, “Page three. Your hand. Touch me down there.” 

“Can I kiss your lips while I read page three?”

“Of course. The best grad student knows how to multitask.”

Ben did as he was told, and supplied his own interpretation like a true critical thinker. She seemed to agree with his analysis, evidenced by the moisture collecting on his fingertips, the cute mewling, and the hips that rocked to the rhythm of his hand. He didn’t let her turn the page, firmly controlling the pace with his kisses and the play with her clit. The build-up finally culminated, and he felt her tighten around his long fingers. 

She looked at him through heavy-lidded eyes. “Why do you still have pants on?” 

“Isn’t that at least page fifty? I’m a thorough reader.”

“Skip ahead.”

Ben smirked and obeyed her command. She became so easy to read, the more their bodies connected. This was one book that he would never return to the library.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might add an epilogue chapter because I forgot about the Star Wars Holiday Special. But for now, the story is complete.
> 
> Wishing all reylos luck for TRoS! I’m confident. We may not get fluffy reylo, but I have hope that the ship will remain canon. Ben will live, Rey gets her space kiss, and the pair will hold hands while looking into the twin sunset. <3 (If not, we will always have the fanfics. They can never take that away from us!)


	10. Holiday Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was hard to write reylo again because every time I thought about them, I got sad and angry. But I’ve finally come to terms with TRoS. If I try to analyse and unpack its implications on the trilogy as a whole, I begin to hate the ST which I don’t want to do. 
> 
> In the end, it’s all fiction. The ST clearly didn’t have a plan and TRoS's blatant retcon and videogame vibe felt like they’re saying: chose what you want to hear. I’ll do just that. For me, the ST canon ends at TLJ (and the books/comics made before TRoS). I might draw inspiration by things in TRoS, but I’m not going to take the events and interpretation of the characters seriously. Let’s make our own stories and save what we love. 
> 
> So, let me start the new year with a fluffy epilogue to a silly AU story. Enjoy!

_X._  
_REY_

\----  
Her bare foot touched down onto the hardwood floor, a chill hitting her naked body as the cool autumn air slipped through terribly insulated single-pane windows. Rey rubbed the sleep from her eyes, then scanned the floor and picked up her favourite shirt of his. She loved borrowing it, this simple loose-fitting boat-necked black jumper. She slipped it over her head, letting the soft cashmere embrace her; it was warm and oversized, just like him. 

She went to the kitchen and washed the dishes from the night before. She dried two mugs, placed them down onto the counter, then started the coffee machine. As she waited for the brew, she heard Ben shuffling out of bed.

“You look hot in my clothes.” He kissed her neck from behind, heat radiating from his body as he enlaced her with strong arms. “But you’re even hotter without it.”

He guided her back to bed, tugging at the sleeve that hung too long on her arms. He reached underneath, fingers splayed over her flat stomach then ventured upwards to cup her breasts. She giggled and let him remove the jumper. Naked again, he kissed her body senseless. It was morning, they haven’t had caffeine, yet this rogue was already full of energy. 

The fresh coffee went cold, but her body did not. He rocked into her until she was screaming his name. 

**

“Are you wearing that out?”

There was a hard edge to his voice, and a part of her knew that he didn’t want her to wear it outside. But the fabric was soft and smelled like him, so she ignored him and tugged the jumper over her head. She reached down to slip on her underwear and jeans. “Yeah. I like the look.”

She performed a sassy twirl to show off every angle of her outfit, then smiled at his stoic face. He finally broke and smiled back. “Be careful and take good care of it,” he said, a little exasperated.

Rey left his apartment with a happy bounce to her step. Blue sky and orange autumn leaves, life was beautiful.

**

_“Rey.”_

She looked over her shoulder to find her boyfriend stalking towards her, a deep frown on his face which confused her. She hadn’t done anything wrong, aside from enter his apartment unannounced and camp out on his bed to work on her thesis. Such an intrusion hardly warranted the scolding tone and angry glare.

Her gaze then fell to his hand, at the mass of black fabric he was clutching. He held out the shirt, and pointed at a hole in the mid-section on the front. “What the _fuck_ happened?”

“It came out like that, after throwing it into the washer.”

“It was supposed to be _hand_ washed! I told you to take care of it.”

“What? I didn’t know that. Why are you getting angry? It’s just a jumper.”

“It’s not! It was a gift. From my late grandmother.”

“Oh.” Guilt immediately settled as she registered the look on his face. It was not anger, but sadness. “Ben, I’m so sorry. I can fix it for you.”

“Leave it. It’s fine.” 

Rey stepped forward to take hold of the shirt, but he backed up and started to fold it. He opened the bottom drawer of his dresser, and carefully hid it away. When he turned to look at her, her eyes were brimming with tears. He pulled her into a hug. “Rey, don’t cry. You’re right. It’s just a sweater.”

She wanted to say that she wasn’t right. She was wrong. It wasn’t just a sweater, and she was stupid for not paying attention and she should have taken better care of his things. Emotions choked her up, so she instead stayed silent while she tightly hugged him back. 

He kissed the top of her head and stroked comforting circles on her back. It was amazing how he could forgive her so easily, when she was clearly in the wrong. She’d make it up to him, somehow.

**

Inspiration hit a month later, when the trees lost their leaves and the holiday season was fast approaching. 

The solution was simple. Rey was going to get him a new jumper. He forgave her and the issue had not been brought back up, but she couldn’t help but feel guilty when she saw him wear everything else in his wardrobe aside from the shirt she had wrecked. Since she was frugal and could not afford fine cashmere like Ben’s late grandmother’s, she would instead knit him one from scratch. 

Except, she didn’t even own knitting needles, so she needed the assistance of her friend Rose who proved to be rather elusive these days. After searching the coffee shop and her office, Rey headed to Rose’s apartment because her friend was not even answering her text messages.

At the building’s entrance, she struggled to remember Rose’s apartment number. She only knew that it was on the third floor, two doors to the left of the elevator. As she tried to recall whether pair numbers were on the left or right, someone was leaving the building and held the door open.

“Thanks,” Rey said, grabbing for the door before it closed as the man passed her. He was tall, and she looked up to see flaming red hair and a familiar uptight expression. “Hux?”

“Ren’s girlfriend.”

“What are you doing here?”

It could have been a trick of her eye, but Rey swore that Hux looked a little disappointed. He shrugged his shoulders and walked away without answering her question.

What a weirdo. She also shrugged off the awkward encounter and rushed to the third floor, second door to the left from the elevator.

“Rey!” Rose greeted loudly, immediately ushering her inside. “What’s up?”

“I should be the one to ask. Haven’t seen you in forever, nor have you replied my texts. What have you been up to?”

Rose laughed and fiddled with her earlobe. “This and that. You know how grad school is.”

“True. But I miss our venting sessions in the coffee shop.” 

Rey took a seat on the couch in the living room while Rose prepared tea in the kitchen. The Ticos’ apartment always brought her warmth and joy, but there was a slight difference in the air that she couldn’t quite pinpoint. The space was still notoriously female, not girly, but decorated with the care and attention of women: cozy vintage furniture, cute trinkets and collectables, plants and flowers. It looked the same, and yet it felt a little off, like a masculine presence clung to the very couch she was sitting on. Was it a whiff of cologne? Maybe it was just her own clothes with Ben’s scent, but she knew Ben’s scent…

Rose returned with two steamy mugs of tea. She placed them down on crocheted coasters on the coffee table, and sat cross-legged on the floor across from Rey.

“So. Everything okay with Ben?”

“Yeah.” Rey blew on her tea to cool it down, then took a sip. Instead of updating Rose with the jumper incident and the need for knitting needles, she trusted her intuition. Looked straight in her eyes, she asked, “Are you seeing anyone?”

“No,” she answered, suddenly very interested in her collection of cacti by the window-sill.

“Rose, I know you’re lying. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

_“Rose.”_

She sighed. “Okay, you caught me. This is why it was easier to avoid everyone ‘cause I can’t lie if my life depended on it. Yes, I’m seeing someone.”

“That’s brilliant!” Rey exclaimed, smiling from ear to ear. “Why so secretive? Is it not going well and you rather not talk about it?”

“Oh, no, it’s actually going… a little too well that I can’t quite believe it. I just, didn’t really know how to bring it up because… gosh, Rey, I— I‘m dating Hux. Armitage Hux!”

Rey nearly choked on her tea. She coughed and Rose rushed to her side on the couch, patting her back and offering her a napkin to wipe her mouth. “_How?_ How did you even _meet?"_ Rey finally said.

“He was looking for a cat-sitter. I hated his guts in the beginning, but his cat was cute and liked me. Then we bonded over tech and nerdy things. I grew to understand him and one thing led to the other, and before I knew it, we were dating.”

“That explains why I haven’t seen you much.”

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. To be honest, I was ashamed of liking someone who is quite frankly an asshole to your boyfriend. I think a part of me didn’t think that it was serious, so why bring it up and possibly cause conflict.”

“But it _is_ serious.”

“Yes.”

Rey gave her friend a tight hug. “I’m sorry for not noticing. I’ve been in my own world, with Ben, and my thesis. Hux is important to you, so I’ll treat him as such. I don’t know him personally, only through Ben who hates his guts. But if he’s good to you, I believe there’s good in him.”

“Thanks Rey. I really appreciate it.” 

“Is he coming for Christmas? It’ll be a good chance for all of us to meet him.”

“No, actually, I just told him not to come. It’s your first Christmas with Ben, and I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“Rose! Don’t decide that on my behalf. Bring him, it’s your Christmas dinner. I think Ben needs to come to terms with his rivalry anyway. And if my dumb boyfriend doesn’t want to come, then, that’s his problem, not yours.” 

“You really think that’ll work?”

“We can only hope.”

Rose chuckled and Rey smiled. It was so nice being honest and having her friend again.

**

Purl, knit, purl. The black jumper slowly took shape as she worked against the clock to Christmas. She told Ben about her friends’ tradition of spending Christmas dinner at the Ticos, and to her surprise, he seemed genuinely happy about the prospect. He had smiled so brightly that she just couldn’t bring herself to burst his bubble, and tell him about Hux.

Knit, purl, knit. The black jumper came to life as the trees lost their leaves, and the frost put the perennials to sleep. Every day, rows of yarn were added to the shirt; but every day, she continuously failed to tell Ben. 

She completed the jumper the day of the party. It was far from perfect, and maybe she got the size all wrong, but it was too late to make any alterations. She quickly wrapped it in some tissue paper and placed it in a gift bag. Rey then rushed over to Ben’s place where she still needed to cook a dish for the party. 

Holidays were always so hectic.

**

The smell of quiche filled his apartment as she removed the dish from the oven, feeling proud that the recipe didn’t end in disaster. Everything seemed to fall neatly into place, so she held her head high and faced her fear. It was now or never. “Ben, about tonight. Rose is bringing her boyfriend.”

He nodded and smiled. “Good for her.”

“Yeah, it’s great. But umm, just to clarify, the person she’s dating. She’s been seeing, well, she’s dating… Hux. He’ll be there tonight.”

Ben’s smile faltered. “Armitage Hux?” 

“Yeah.”

He paused, then very neutrally stated, “I’m not coming.”

“Please Ben. He’s your colleague.”

“Rey, you know how much I fuckin’ hate that asshole. I only tolerate him out of fear of my supervisor. Outside of school, I can’t guarantee what I’ll do to him. Did you think that I’d just, accept his presence?”

“And what am I supposed to do?! Tell Rose she can’t bring her boyfriend to her own party because mine is being petty?”

“I’m not being petty. The bastard stole my initial research proposal, and now he’s sailing by while I’ve been left in the gutter with endless revisions. That’s the type of person he is. Rose is kind and genuine— fuck, how could you let her date such a monster?”

“I’ve met him a few times, and he’s not as bad as you make him out to be. He has changed.”

“You’ve met him?” Ben’s voice dropped to barely a whisper. “Behind my back.” 

“Rose is my friend, and like it or not, Hux is her boyfriend. It’s not like I was deliberately seeking him out. We crossed paths naturally.”

“Rey, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Because… we were so happy. I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I hate seeing you lose your smile.”

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath. “I can’t come tonight.”

“Fine.” Rey held back her tears, and turned around to grab the gift bag sitting on the kitchen table. She shoved it into his hands. “I’ll go alone.”

Forgetting the quiche, she bolted out the door before her heart would tell her otherwise. 

**

Rose took one look at Rey’s bloodshot eyes, and said, “Let me get you a drink.”

Thankfully, she was first to arrive and had time to settle in before any of the other guests. Hux, hilariously wearing a frilly apron, was distracted in the kitchen, while Paige and her girlfriend Jess had to run out for some last-minute booze errand. Rose insisted that Rey relax in the living room with a glass of gin and tonic. A ginger tabby, apparently named Millicent, purred against her leg and seemed to demand attention. She petted the cat’s head as she watched the digital fireplace crackle on the television screen. 

By the time Poe and Finn arrived, Rey was back in the mood to socialize and keep up with their high energy. The party this year was a full house with a couple of new faces. Nobody asked about Ben, of which Rey was grateful. 

After the appetizers were cleared from the buffet table, and the main dishes were swapped in, there was a knock at the door that Rose went to answer.

“Sorry I’m late,” said a deep voice that Rey could recognize anywhere, even under the loud music and drunken laughter of her friends. 

She sprung up from her seat and joined Rose at the entrance. She just stared at his towering figure, awkwardly trying to kick off his boots since his hands were full. He placed down two gift bags to free his right hand and help remove the footwear. “You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find eggnog on Christmas day.” He handed the quiche and carton of eggnog to Rose. “Merry Christmas, Rose. Quiche’s gone cold, so you’ll need to zap it in the microwave.”

“Merry Christmas,” she responded with a smile, then shot a knowing glance at Rey. “I’ll go add this to the table. Make yourself at home, Ben.”

Rey watched in awe as he took off his jacket, revealing the most ridiculously small black jumper underneath. It stretched tightly across his broad shoulders and ended above his navel like a crop top. She really messed up on the size. Embarrassed, she grabbed his hand and pushed him outside the apartment before other guests would notice his presence.

“That jumper. It’s awful. Take it off.”

“No, you gave it to me so I’m wearing it. If you’re concerned about my exposed midriff, get me high-waisted pants next time.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Attending Rose’s Christmas party.”

“You said you wouldn’t come.”

“I changed my mind.”

“I’ve been horrible to you. First, I ruin your shirt, then I choose my friends over you, and stomp all over your feelings. Why do you keep on coming back?”

“Because I love you, Rey.”

Her heart leapt and so did her body. She nearly crashed into him, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him down into a deep kiss. Words were hard and it was easier to express herself through actions. She however needed to face her shortcomings, so she broke away from his lips. “I’m sorry Ben. I should have told you sooner. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. I should have put your feelings first. I—”

Ben leaned down to kiss her again. “I know.”

She smiled and took his hand. “Let’s go home. You can’t go back in wearing this ridiculous jumper.”

“No Rey, I want to be here and spend Christmas with the people you love. I can’t guarantee that Hux and I will see eye to eye, but I promise not to make a scene.”

“Still, that doesn’t solve your fashion problem. Hux will mock you the moment he sees you, and you will definitely make a scene by knocking him out.”

Ben laughed, probably because she was right. “Hang on a second, I have a solution.” He walked back into the Ticos’ apartment, and returned almost immediately with one of the gift bags in his hand. He handed it to Rey.

Removing the tissue paper, her hand dove into the bag and she felt something familiar. She knew what it was before seeing it. That texture of soft cashmere. She pulled out the beloved shirt and noticed that the hole had been fixed.

“This shirt is yours now,” he said. “But just for tonight, if you don’t mind, let me borrow it.”

“Ben, you can borrow it any time.” She stripped off the horrible jumper and threw over his head the superior cashmere one. It hung on his body like a shirt was supposed to look on him— loose, free, comfortable. “All of my things, they also belong to you.”

“I’d say the same, but I don’t trust lending you the sweater that you made. You’re gonna destroy it on purpose.”

She took his hand, their fingers interlocked. “You know me too well.”


End file.
